Backstage interviews will never...EVER-AH...BE THE SAME, AGANE!

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Backstage interviews will never...EVER-AH...BE THE SAME, AGANE!

Post by Chris Jericho on Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:57 am

The scene fades in to the interview area where we see the new backstage announcer for the EWE, the one and only White Goodman. He has a microphone as he talks, turned to the camera.

White Goodman: Ladies and Gentlemen I am the one and only White Goodman, and I am here backstage with the Ayatollah of Rock n' Rollah...Chris Jericho!

The crowd gives a mixed, yet loud, reaction as they hear the name. The camera pans out to show Jericho wearing his new T-Shirt that reads "The Only Thing More Amazing Than Y2J is YOUR MOM on Top of Him"...Some laughs can be heard. He is also sporting sunglasses, which isn't as common as it used to be.

White Goodman: Chris, last week you left Kane alone in the ring to fend against the Hi--

Jericho cuts him off.

I know what I did last week, thanks to God I don't have Alzheimer's for crying out loud, get on with it.

An intimidated White Goodman speaks.

White Goodman: Well, what do you have to say about what you did last week?

Jericho now looks surprised...

...The rumors are not true, I did not, I repeat, I did not impregnate Alicia Fox.

The crowd lets out a loud "OH!" followed with some laughs.

White Goodman: I'm talking about leaving Kane alone in the match!

Jericho seems confused.

Why didn't you say so?! White Goodman seems more confused even. Well, I'd believe Kane would be more than competent to get those two fagbags up and done with, and I wasn't wrong. Actually, I never am wrong, Kane was faster than Drew McIntyre's first sexual experience...And believe me, we're talking Flash Gordon fast.

The crowd laughs loudly.

White Goodman: How about the assailant that attacked the Legends Champion, Cody Rhodes, after his match last week?

Jericho looks at the camera, then White, then back at the camera and back at White, confused.

Who the fuck is Cody Rhodes?

The crowd laughs again.

Get outta here. White leaves... Well this week Edge booked me to team up with Blackout, well that's just jimdandy. Some of the things I said about Blackout and Drew McIntyre last week, they might've been overkill, but that doesn't mean either of them is less of a stinking, dickfaced, idiotic, bottom-feeding, dry-humping fagbag!

The crowd laughs...

I've watched some tapes of Blackout matches. I particularly liked the one where he and his group...What was the name again?...Ugh...Oh yeah, Raptor. The Raptor was cutting a promo about how they liked being dinosaurs and all that jazz, and Blackout talked about plunging holes into somebody's bleeding body, and how he'd see that as a piece of art... Blackout let me tell you this, at our match at Adrenaline, I'm going to plunge more holes into your body than a male pornstar!...Eric Everhard would be proud.

Again laughs are heard as a confident Y2J proceeds with his speech.

I got word from Edge and as it seems, if we win our match tonight, we will face each other at Adrenaline, if we lose, Braveheart and the other masked dude White was talking about, they'll be the ones main eventing the Pay-Per-View...Well, Blackie, we just can't let that happen, can we? We don't see eye-to-eye...Of course we don't see eye-to-eye, everytime I look at you I have to turn away before I cringe and hurt your self-esteem. I'm sorry partner, but you're like the sunshine...You hurt my fuckin'eyes. The crowd laughs...But tonight we're partnered whether we like it or not, whether we like each other or not. You and I have to go out there, put on an amazing match for these undeserving, trash bag, New York shit city fans... The fans now boo Y2J loudly! Yeah! Boo me. You are what I call a sellout crowd, you don't sell out the tickets, you sell yourselves out for whoever panders to you and you hate on who doesn't. A true friend tells the truth! A true friend! I am your true friend, boys and girls! The Ayatollah of Rock n'Rollah, is your true and only friend, because he's the only one that tells you people how lousy and ricockulous you truly are. You're a bunch of hypocrites, assclowns, virgins, wannabes and fagbags! Not that there's anything wrong with being a virgin, I'm partnered with one tonight...

Jericho pauses...

Anyway, tonight, Blackout, we need to put on an amazing match and go to headline Adrenaline, where I will personally, and like a sir, assure that you get your skinny ass handed to you on a silver platter, by none other than the Ayatollah of Rock n'Rollah, the King of the World, the Y2J Problem, the Paragon of Virtue, the Highlight of the Night-ah...Your World Wrestling Champion and noble and honest speaker, Lionheart, Chris, Jericho. And you will never, Blackout...EVER-AH!!!...BE THE SAME...AGANE!!!

Jericho poses for the camera and then walks away as the scene fades out.

Chris Jericho
Chris Jericho
Alec Baldwin

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